The fourteen year old Prince Edward, Edward of Windsor as he was known, had been crowned king in February 1327 at Westminster. Of course, the real power lay with his mother Queen Isabella’s paramour, Roger Mortimer. However, he used his power to ill-effect. Mortimer’s first major gaffe was a poorly executed invasion of Scotland, ending in a humiliating treaty signed in 1328 which acknowledged Robert Bruce as king of Scotland. The seventeen year old Edward III was opposed to the agreement, but was in no position to defy Mortimer.

‘Whilst honest men went forth toiling!

This dirty dog Mortimer, spent his time upon the heads of other men soiling!

Although to the nation he presented himself as honest and straight, he was himself really quite bent!

Not content with having killed one son of Edward I, he decided to kill another, Edmund of Kent!

Mortimer, now ensconced as regent, developed into the classic model of an overmighty subject. In 1328, he assumed the title Earl of March and enjoyed a life of almost obscene luxury and ostentation. Terrified of being himself removed from power, Mortimer eliminated anyone he saw as a rival. One was the king’s uncle, the Earl of Kent, a son of Edward I. Mortimer managed to entrap the rather dim Earl in a plot, and as a result he was executed. The king was powerless to help his unfortunate uncle.

Edmund, Earl of Kent.

Relations between Mortimer and the young king began to deteriorate very sharply. Mortimer, his paranoia now in overdrive, deployed a multitude of spies to keep their eyes on Edward and watch his every move. Not to be outdone, Edward quietly gathered a group of loyalists around him and patiently bided his time. The king chose his allies carefully and one, Sir William Montague proved to be particularly useful.

William Montague

Edward topples Mortimer and Queen Isabella.

In October 1330, Mortimer, the Queen and Edward were in residence at Nottingham castle for the parliament which had been convened there. It was at this point that Edward saw his opportunity to oust Mortimer.

Suspicious of Edward’s intentions, Mortimer had made sure  that every entrance to the castle was secure and guarded. However, Edward had made a secret arrangement with the constable of the castle to leave one entrance unlocked. Once inside, the king and Montague with a body of men, followed a tunnel which led straight to Mortimer and Isabella’s quarters and burst in taking both of them by complete surprise. There was a moment of high mirth when the Bishop of Lincoln, who was present, tried to escape down the toilet chute but became stuck and had to be helped out.

‘Edward seized  Mortimer at the dead of night!

He was captured in the bed chamber after a brief fight!

Queen Isabella cried, dear son, mercy for sweet Mortimer I do crave!

But Edward would give none, he had a noose put around the neck of the murderous knave!’

Mortimer was swiftly transported to the Tower of London from which he had so dramatically escaped in 1323. There was to be no escape on this occasion. On November 29th he was dragged to Tyburn and hanged as a common criminal. Mortimer was granted one mercy in that, probably in deference to the wishes of the Queen, he was allowed to hang until he expired.

Edward, aged eighteen was now king of England in his own right.

 

 

King Edward was expecting an invasion and sent his ships out to sea in order to intercept Isabella’s convoy. But Isabella and Mortimer managed to avoid any of Edward’s ships, and landed in Suffolk on September 24th 1326.

On the face of it, Isabella’s chances of unseating an incumbent king with her small force appeared rather remote. However, her arrival galvanized the people who had been unhappy with the regime, and who harboured great resentment towards the Despensers. Instead of resistance, Isabella received a warm welcome and offers of assistance from many quarters.

Queen Isabella disembarks at Orwell in Suffolk in September 1326.

Isabella proceeded westwards towards London where Edward was residing. The king, astonished at the collapse of his support, fled to the west country. In an empty gesture of defiance, Edward placed a bounty of £1,000 on Mortimer’s head.

‘You put a bounty on my beloved Roger’s head so as to cause me trouble!

I will place a price on wretched Despenser’s head, a sum which amounts to double!’

Isabella responded by offering £2,000 for the head of  Hugh Despenser.

The city of London was a crucial area for either side in what looked like becoming a civil war. To whom would the Londoners give their allegiance? This question was answered in a most graphic manner on October 15th 1326 by the treatment the citizens of London meted out to Bishop Stapledon, whom Edward had appointed ‘protector’ of London after his cowardly flight from the city. When the unfortunate prelate attempted to assert his authority over the city, he was dragged from his horse and savagely put to death.

Edward may well have ruefully remarked:

‘Isabella has London in the bag! In the bag!

Oh, what a drag! Oh what an infernal drag!

And all of the time, my support continues to sag! Sag! Continues to sag!’

Edward and the Despensers were on the run, and running very scared. King Edward, sovereign of the realm, was a fugitive within its borders, hunted as a common felon.  No king had ever known such ignominy. Hugh Despenser the elder was captured at Bristol, and after a swift trial was executed on October 26th. At this point King Edward II was deposed and his son, was proclaimed guardian of the realm.

Unfinished business.

The odyssey of King Edward and Hugh the younger was coming to an ignominious close. On November 16th the two fugitives were apprehended at Liantrisant in Wales. Edward because he was king, was accorded good treatment but not so his favourite, Hugh the younger. He was subjected to every possible indignity as he was transported east to Hereford. Bound to a horse, citizens jeered at him as he passed and some scrawled biblical quotes on to his body. Knowing the penalty awaiting him, Hugh refused all sustenance in the hope that he would die of starvation before being hanged, drawn and quartered. But luck was not with him, and after a brief trial at Hereford, he suffered the sentence prescribed for traitors.

‘Your crimes were so wicked and foul!

For this you will watch while we burn your bowel!

And onto the flaming fire!

Your blood soaked innards will make a fitting funeral pyre!’

Hugh was drawn feet first by four horses to the walls of his own castle where a gallows of immense height awaited him. Sometimes the condemned would be allowed to hang until dead, thus sparing him the agonies of emasculation. But spared he was not, Hugh suffered the full penalty of the law with all of the accompanying barbarities.

The execution of Hugh Despenser.

What would King Edward have said?

‘Oh farewell, fair Hugh!

We now bid each other adieu!

You were not of the mediocre many, but one of the finest few!

In my heart of hearts there will always be a special place for you!’

In January 1327 the king, languishing at Kenilworth castle consumed with grief and humiliation, was forced to formally abdicate in favour of his son. Bemoaning his fate, he would constantly and loudly cry out in anguish, hammering the walls of his chamber with his fists before collapsing to the floor in tears.

Parliament promised Edward a comfortable, but severely restricted retirement: the life of a pampered prisoner appeared to await him. Tearfully, he sullenly prepared himself for his luxurious confinement in a yet to be disclosed location. Edward must have harboured hopes that his son Ted, now king, would eventually see fit to alleviate his circumstances once he had reached manhood.

‘To you my dear son, young Teddy!

Of course as king, you know that I proved to be persistently unready!

Oh what matter now, I would humbly request, nay beg, to take a place at your side!

So through England’s green meadows as father and son we could, once again ride!’

However this was not to be.

Popularity is of course a fickle phenomenon and can disappear as swiftly as the morning dew. This was the experience of Isabella and Mortimer, whose star began to fade as the dust  settled and people steadily became familiar with their true colours. Soon plots were hatched to free the deposed king and restore him to the throne. Naturally, Mortimer viewed this as a problem and one that had to be eliminated with immediate effect.

Edward was transported to a variety of abodes, but was eventually deposited at Berkeley castle and here he would endure the rigours of his last days.

‘The throne of England was one hell of a hot seat!

Although being king was an experience that was hard to beat!

But the heat that Edward was now unmercifully made to bear!

Well t’was a foul act, totally unnecessary and grossly unfair!’

So now the final curtain.

Edward breathed his last one day in late September, 1327. He was almost certainly murdered on the orders of Roger Mortimer.  It has been alleged that he was killed by having a red hot poker plunged into his rectum which burnt his internal organs to a crisp. In this way no tell tale signs of violence were left on his body. King Edward II was buried by the High Altar in Gloucester Cathedral.

King Edward II

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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‘Gay Paree! Oh gay Paree!

That is the place where Roger Mortimer wished to be!

Once there, he would, with the French king go hand in glove!

Also, with the Queen of England he would find new love!’

Roger Mortimer received a fairly warm reception from the new king, Charles IV when he reached Paris. He was, after all, a man of noble birth and would be accorded the courtesies commensurate with his station in life.

King Charles IV at his wedding ceremony.

However, the relationship would become more cordial later that year. An event that October caused a fall out between the king of France and the king of England.

The English Crown owned the French province of Gascony which was part of the duchy of Aquitaine. Of course King Edward was also Duke of Aquitaine, but he held it as a vassal of the French king.  In 1322  the French government decided that the Gascon village of St Sardos now belonged to France. In October a French royal sergeant proceeded to St Sardos, and in dramatic Gallic fashion solemnly erected a signpost bearing the coat of arms of the French Crown in the village itself. A local nobleman, loyal to King Edward outraged by this action, destroyed St Sardos and hanged the unfortunate sergeant-at-arms from the offending signpost.

‘Sarge! Oh Sarge! What you did was not the right thing to do!

Now as you swing high on the signpost; of the locality, you will have a great view!

                                  As the wind keeps the signpost turning! Yes, turning!

You can watch the whole damn village burning!’

This seemingly trivial bout of unpleasantness escalated into a war between England and France. In March 1325, Edward, realising that the war was going badly, sent his queen, Isabella to negotiate with her brother, King Charles IV. Isabella managed to persuade King Charles to agree to a truce but the eventual outcome was not to England’s advantage. August was the time for Edward to travel to France to pay homage to King Charles for his duchy of Aquitaine. However, Edward was reluctant to leave England as political matters were far from harmonious. So it was agreed that prince Edward could travel to France and pay homage to King Charles in his father’s place. In September young Edward, accompanied by Bishop Stapledon, arrived in France and was reunited with his mother. So something of a family get-together, a little mixing of royal business and personal pleasure.

‘Oh King Edward allowing Prince Edward to travel to France was a terrible decision!

Once Isabella possesses prince Edward, she will be able to move against you with both military and political precision.

Prince Edward paying homage to his uncle King Charles IV of France for the duchy of Aquitaine.

Stapledon brought a command from Edward that Isabella was to return to England as soon as young Edward had performed the duty of homage. This was something that Isabella was loath to do. She told the astonished bishop that Edward’s relationship with Hugh the younger had caused her to consider herself a widow.

‘Hark at the court of King Edward, nothing that comes out of there is any good!

As a consequence, I consider myself consigned to a condition of widowhood!’

Indeed, she took to wearing garments black in colour as widows were inclined to do.

It was during this period that Mortimer and Queen Isabella became romantically attached.

‘Despite being in Paris on matters of state business, Isabella had private hours of leisure!

She spent the time with  Roger Mortimer with whom she found a deep love, a truly golden trove of treasure!’

Isabella in Paris, with her son at her side, now plotted with Mortimer and the anti-Despenser exiles to overthrow King Edward II. The time was now right to launch an invasion of England and rid the kingdom of an incompetent king and his worthless advisers, the hated Despensers. However, Isabella’s brother Charles declined to aid her in this adventure, so ever resourceful, Isabella sought another avenue of succour. Isabella and Mortimer along with their retinue journeyed to the duchy of Hainault. There, a bargain was struck between Isabella and her cousin, William count of Hainault. Young prince Edward was to be betrothed to William’s daughter Philippa, and the dowry received would pay for Isabella’s planned invasion of England.

In September 1326, Isabella’s invasion fleet was set to sail for England.

 

In May, Edward in triumphant mode, presided over a parliament at York. This was indeed the high water mark of his reign.

‘Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Allow me to remind you who it is that actually rules ya!’

The seal of King Edward II.

Edward had never before known such a great triumph, nor would he ever do so again. To his immense satisfaction, parliament revoked the Ordinances of 1311 by passing the Statutes of York. In a mood of supreme self-confidence, Edward now turned his gaze northwards to Scotland.

‘Edward, now feeling proud of heart, never walked so tall!

But tis said that pride becomes before a fall!’

That summer of 1322, Edward marched into Scotland, resolved to avenge the humiliation of Bannockburn.  In order to do so, he had first to engage the army of Robert Bruce, however, the Scottish king declined to oblige. Bruce pulled his forces northwards and deployed a scorched earth strategy which deprived the English army of food.

‘Oh we, the valiant sons of Scotland the brave!

Will offer ye Sassanachs nothing more than an unmarked grave!’

With his soldiers weakened and dying of sickness and disease, Edward beat an ignominious retreat south of the border. Bruce, the shrewd military strategist that he was, pressed the advantage by pursuing his quarry, and defeated Edward’s army in Yorkshire that October.

Robert Bruce.

Both Edward and his queen Isabella, residing at different locations, narrowly escaped capture by the Scots. This was a huge defeat and humiliation, and had a profound effect on the English nation. The pain of defeat was compounded for Edward by the death of his illegitimate son, Adam who had accompanied his father on the Scottish campaign. The year of 1322 which had begun so promisingly had turned in to annus horribilis.

This was the beginning of the Despenser era. So besotted was Edward with the father and son duo, that he could refuse them nothing. Their presence had a drug like effect upon the king, so as to cast a spell upon him.

‘The Despensers, beloved by the king, were in the ascendency!

The country, and eventually Edward himself, would suffer because of his dreadful dependency!’

A later depiction of Hugh the younger.

This diabolical double act wrought havoc and England was considerably less than merry while they were at large. Young Hugh’s particular speciality was forcing rich widows into handing over their lands to his grasping hands on pain of torture. One recalcitrant widow who resisted his demands had her limbs broken, the agony of which drove the poor woman insane.

‘With England in their nefarious hold!

Opposition to the Despensers began to unfold!’

Roger Mortimer, a wealthy Marcher Lord and staunch enemy of the Despensers, had been incarcerated in the Tower of London in 1322 because he had supported Lancaster. However, in August 1323 he managed to escape by persuading the sub-lieutenant of the Tower to aid and abet his departure.

‘By spiking the guards feast day drink!

Resourceful Roger escaped from the clink!’

The feast day of the Tower chapel’s patron saint was August 1st, and the celebrations involved the consumption of a good deal of alcohol.

This year’s caskets of celebratory wine would contain an additional ingredient, a sleeping drug. With the guards soon happily comatose, Mortimer made good his escape, and made his way to Paris to request an audience with the newly crowned king, Charles IV.

Mortimer’s presence in Paris would have lethal consequences for Edward’s tenure as king of England. It was here in 1325 that he and Queen Isabella would begin a relationship which would bring about the end of Edward’s reign.

 

‘For Edward, these were good times! Days that brought him pleasure!

The not so distant future would bring hours to repent at leisure!’

The King was determined to wreak vengeance upon his enemies and his pre-emptive first strike occurred at Leeds Castle in Kent in October 1321. Queen Isabella, who was journeying to Canterbury on pilgrimage, approached Leeds Castle and requested shelter for the night. This was a reasonable request, as it was Crown property but held for Edward by Baron Bradlesmere who had defected to the faction led by Thomas of Lancaster.

The arms of Baron Bradlesmere.

Bradlesmere was away at the time and the castle was being minded by his wife, Margaret. Lady Margaret’s response to Isabella’s arrival was a volley of arrows from the battlements which killed a number of the Queen’s bodyguards.

‘ The Queen arrived and requested from the Lady Margaret, entry to the castle and sustenance in the Great Hall!

Lady Margaret’s reply was a fusillade of arrows from the castle’s wall!

Edward’s response was to besiege Leeds Castle. Bradlesmere responded by rushing to his wife’s defence. However, the unfortunate baron soon learnt that he would receive no help from Lancaster and the Marcher Lords in relieving the siege. Bradlesmere was thus forced to withdraw. The Lady Margaret, expecting prompt succour from Lancaster, now realised that none would in fact be forthcoming.

‘Betrayed! Betrayed! By Lancaster Tom so horribly betrayed!

Now besieged in this castle by the king, I feel so terribly, terribly afraid!’

The Lady Margaret had no choice but to surrender and after a promise of fair treatment from Edward, was led out of the castle for the journey to the Tower. As she left her home for the last time, she would have seen the castle’s battlements adorned with the corpses of her military commander and some of his men as they swung in the autumnal air.

Buoyed by this victory, Edward decided to recall the Despensers.

‘I have just seen the king welcoming  the Despensers at the palace door!

This  means that the country will soon be engulfed in civil war!’

As with the case of Edward’s late favourite Gaveston some years before, the Despensers’ exile lasted but a short time. Banished in July, back in the royal bosom by Christmas, 1321. Hugh the elder had taken up temporary residence in France whilst his son had spent the time pursuing a short-lived career as a particularly savage seafaring thief along the English Channel.

‘Whether he be sailing on the sea or riding on land!

Hugh the younger could be relied upon to lead a pillaging, murderous band!

When he ceased to harry the sea around England’s south coast!

The seaborne merchants with heartfelt relief raised their goblets in a joyful toast!’

Hugh the younger.

Edward had summoned the Despensers back to England because he calculated that he could outmanoeuvre his opponents and in this he would be proved correct. It was at this point that Edward showed an uncharacteristic degree of prescience. His arch enemy, Thomas of Lancaster, was scheming in Yorkshire with the northern barons. Edward predicted that if he moved against the Marcher Lords of Wales, Lancaster would not come to their aid, but stay put in his Pontefract lair.

‘Edward aimed to divide his foes and conquer!

As a military plan it proved to be an almighty stonker!

In January 1322, the king was in Wales dealing with the Marcher Lords who had complained so bitterly about his allies, the Despensers. As he had predicted, Lancaster did not travel south-west to support his Welsh allies.

‘Edward marched his army into the land and mountains of Wales!

His army’s attacks there caused the valleys to echo the sound of the rebels agonizing wails!’

The Marcher Lords were swiftly defeated and Edward turned his attention towards Lancaster. In fact, it was Lancaster’s failure to reinforce the Marcher Lords which had been a principal factor in their defeat. Lancaster’s cowardice, or lack of judgement, in failing to support his allies would sow the seeds of his own downfall and ultimately cause his ignominious execution.

‘Oh Tom, Earl of Lancaster, tis unto you that I now turn my gaze!

Dear kinsman, you have now come to the very end of your ignoble days!’

In early 1322, Edward marched north against Lancaster who along with his ally, the Earl of Hereford, retreated as the king advanced. Trying to cross a bridge in Yorkshire, Lancaster’s party were confronted by the king’s forces. In the melee that followed, Hereford was killed when a soldier hiding under the bridge thrust his pike into the unfortunate baron’s anus. His agonising screams were the death knell of the rebels campaign.

‘As the Earl of Hereford stood upon the bridge attempting to pass!

A cheeky Welsh pike man crept underneath and speared him in the ass!’

The tomb of Henry de Bohun, Earl of Hereford.

Lancaster, now haemorrhaging allies, was apprehended on March 16th and taken to the king at Pontefract. He was swiftly tried and sentenced to death.

‘When you murdered Piers, it was done in a manner so as upon him to bestow great shame!

Now you, Lancaster Tom, will suffer a death so very much the same!’

Edward ordered that like Gaveston, Lancaster would be executed on a hillock. In fact the selected hillock was the place that some years before, Lancaster and his followers had stood and jeered at the king as he rode past. Led out on a tired old donkey, Lancaster was beheaded on the 22nd of March by an incompetent axeman who took three blows to sever the head from the body.

 

The rest of Lancaster’s senior supporters were also dispatched without mercy and for Edward, the early months of the year of 1322 had been a very pleasing time indeed.

 

 

The rise of the indispensable Despensers

It was a greatly demoralised king who met with the parliaments of late 1314 and February 1315. The scale of the military defeat in Scotland strengthened the hands of the Ordainers, who demanded that the king dismiss the chancellor and other officials. The king’s power was being eroded and that of the Ordainers was increasing.

Edward II adorned in regal attire.

But in February 1315, Edward was tasked with the solemn duty of interring Gaveston. The bitter memories of his friend’s ignominious death flooding his grief-stricken mind and heart as he prepared for the final farewell.

The death of Piers Gaveston.

‘Oh Piers! Oh dear sweet Piers!

At your graveside, I will shed tears, bitter, sorrowful tears!’

The interment took place at King’s Langley in February 1315. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Walter Reynolds presiding over the solemnities. The tears ran down the king’s cheeks as Piers’ remains were lowered into their final resting place.

‘That happy day when you sprang from the womb!

And now you lie inside this cold, dank tomb!

But in my warm heart, for you Piers’, there will always be room!’

It was at this low point in what seemed to be the very abyss of his life, that his consort Queen Isabella came into her own. The Queen, an exceedingly beautiful woman possessed a will of  iron and a great capacity for duplicity. As a faithful wife she encouraged Edward to resist what she regarded as unwarranted encroachment of royal authority by the Ordainers. Anyway in August 1316, Isabella bore Edward a second son, John, which pleased the king greatly.

In 1318 parliament appointed Hugh Despenser the younger, son of Hugh Despenser the elder, as the king’s Chamberlain. This was to have important ramifications for the remaining years of Edward’s reign. The position of Chamberlain was important because it gave Hugh Despenser the power to decide who would be allowed access to the king. Edward now became increasingly under the influence of Hugh the younger.  The king, grateful for Hugh’s support, bestowed lands and honours upon the Despenser family. All of this caused great resentment amongst certain elements of the nobility and especially Thomas, Earl of Lancaster.

The coat of arms of Hugh Despenser the elder.

The king detested Lancaster for his role in the murder of Gaveston, and was determined to take revenge on his powerful kinsman. The tension between the king, supported by the Despensers and the Earl of Lancaster and his adherents, had reached boiling point.  The Despensers revealed themselves to be incredibly greedy, persuading Edward to grant them more lands in their power base in the Welsh Marches. The Marcher Lords became increasingly anxious at this development.  They feared that the Despensers might persuade the king to seize the lands of other Marcher Lords, and hand it over to this diabolical father and son double act.

In fact the anti-Despenser faction had an ally in the Queen who feared that Hugh the younger was becoming a Piers Gaveston Mark II. In an attempt to avoid history repeating itself, Isabella had implored her husband to exile the unsavoury pair.

‘Hugh the elder! Hugh the younger!

For the possessions of others, they both have an insatiable hunger!

Edward, my husband, you know what you have to do?

Get rid of both the two awful Hughs!

Because if you don’t, your throne you are bound to lose!

In July 1321, the Marcher Lords led by Lancaster, demanded that the Despensers be banished from the realm. Knowing that Lancaster had a large force at his disposal, Edward feared that he could be deposed if he were to deny this demand. The king reluctantly agreed and father and son were both duly exiled.

Little did anyone suspect but the scene was set for civil war!

In the second half of 1312 a number of factors conspired to prevent the widely predicted outbreak of civil war in England. Firstly, the king’s finances were in dire straits and in war, the victor is often the one who is able to outspend his opponents.

Another consideration that discouraged both parties from conflict was the fact that the chief beneficiaries would be the Scots. Something that neither the barons, nor Edward and his loyalists, wanted to happen. Nevertheless, tensions continued to simmer.

However, although he was now dead, Edward was still preoccupied with Gaveston. Arrangements had to be made for the late Earl’s funeral. Obviously this would have to be a grand affair, but as he was excommunicated by Archbishop Winchelsea, it could not as yet take place in a church. Edward would have to petition the Pope to have the excommunication annulled in order for the requiem mass to go ahead. This would take time, in fact until early 1315, and in the meantime much would come to pass.

‘Pleasant interlude!

An end to this most damaging feud!’

Firstly, glad tidings came about with the birth of a son to Edward and Queen Isabella in November 1312. Edward now had a male heir, which would avoid any problem over the line of succession after his death. Then in October 1313, due to the intercession of the Pope and the King of France and partly on the advice of Queen Isabella, he reached a rapprochement with the barons.

Queen Isabella

Another bonus was that Edward had managed to arrange for his friend, Walter Reynolds to replace the hated Winchelsea as Archbishop of Canterbury.

‘For Edward, the future looked bright!

But little did he know that he was in for one hell of a fight!’

Scotland and the Battle of Bannockburn.

Robert Bruce had taken advantage of the feud in England to extend his rule in Scotland. He had captured many English castles, so that by 1314 only Berwick and Sterling remained  loyal to the English crown. Worse still, was that Bruce had begun to plunder northern England, and the people of Durham had felt compelled to pay him to leave them in peace.

Bobby Bruce.

It was Edward’s intention to reverse this unwelcome development.

‘North of the border, along Bobby Bruce’s way!

The flower of Scotland, Edward intends to slay!’

In June 1314 Edward, at the head of a huge well-equipped army, was in Scotland with the initial objective of rescuing Sterling castle which was being besieged by the Scots. Bruce was waiting for him at a village called Bannockburn.

Edward was confident of victory because he was aware that the Scottish army was so much smaller than his own. However, the battle which commenced on June 23rd was a test case in farcical leadership and as a result, a huge military disaster for the English. Early in the battle, a young English knight, Henry de Bohun saw Bruce riding in front of his men. If Bruce were to be killed now, then the Scots would lose heart and the field would belong to the English. The impetuous young knight charged Bruce singlehandedly, but the canny old Scottish warrior manoeuvred his mount to one side and killed de Bohun with an axe blow to the head.

Robert Bruce kills Henry de Bohun.

Afterwards, Robert Bruce remarked:

‘A darn good start!

But I have broken my favourite axe shaft!’

Unfortunate perhaps, but there were to be compensations!

There was no coordinated leadership on the English side and the battle became a massacre, with the English being pushed back into a gorge. Indeed, so many sons of England died there that it is claimed that the Scots could cross the gorge without getting their feet wet. It was an enormous victory for the Scots and showed how a smaller army could defeat a much larger force.

Defeated and humiliated, Edward fled the field and sought refuge at Sterling castle. There, further humiliation awaited him. The garrison, realising that all was lost, were preparing to surrender to Robert Bruce. Edward was refused entry because this would prejudice the terms of surrender that they could expect from the Scottish king. The main priority of the garrison was survival and that meant not upsetting Bobby Bruce!

‘As Edward rode up to the castle walls, he was greeted from the battlements by a sentry!

The man shouted ‘sorry sire, but to you, tis a case of absolutely no entry!’

A stunned Edward remarked: to have this said to a king at his own castle gate!

Has any other monarch ever met with such a horrible, terrible fate?’

To be denied entry to your castle garrisoned by royal personnel was an embarrassment suffered by very few sovereigns. Eventually Edward, with his pride shattered, fled south to Berwick. He would now have to face the English barons in the aftermath of what should have been a great victory, but what in fact turned out to be a shameful defeat.

‘Piers, for you the last toss of the dice!

But the result was really nasty, not at all nice’!

The return of Gaveston in January 1312, although not entirely unexpected, nevertheless did not sit well with the nobility. The king and Gaveston travelled north while the nobles, led by Thomas of Lancaster and Archbishop Robert Winchelsey, planned the arrest of the royal favourite. Gaveston became ill and took refuge at Scarborough castle in Yorkshire, while King Edward went forth gathering forces with which to repel Lancaster’s army. Scarborough castle was promptly besieged by Alymer de Valence, the Earl of Pembroke and in May, Gaveston surrendered on the understanding that he would not be harmed.

Alymer de Valence.

Pembroke took his prisoner south and had the errant favourite ensconced in congenial quarters at Deddington, Oxfordshire. The Earl, a true knight and adherent of the old chivalric code, was undoubtedly sincere in his guarantee of Gaveston’s safety. Pembroke would keep his word and Gaveston knew it. However, other nobles were unencumbered by such principles, they wished Gaveston dead and swiftly. One of these was the Earl of Warwick, who on June 10th abducted Gaveston from Deddington and had him transported under humiliating conditions to Warwick castle.

There Warwick, with the connivance of the Earls of Arundel, Hereford and Lancaster decided that Gaveston should be executed. The doomed Gaveston frantically begged for his life at the feet of Lancaster, but to no avail.

‘Gaveston was brought forth to Blacklow Hill!

There two Celts awaited to carry out this greatly desired kill!’

On June 19th 1312 the dastardly deed was carried out at Blacklow Hill by two Welsh soldiers, with Lancaster watching from a distance.

Thomas Plantagenet, 2nd Earl of Lancaster.

Gaveston was slain with a sword, and his head was then severed from his torso and presented to Lancaster.

‘Thomas of Lancaster watched Gaveston’s grisly demise from a distance away!

The greater part of England erupted in cheers and proclaimed June 19th to have been a great day!’

The greater part of England did not include the embodiment of the nation, the king himself. King Edward, when he learned of Gaveston’s death, was beside himself with grief and fury and vowed revenge upon those responsible.

‘Oh Piers, sweet Piers, in life you were the brightest star!

The true one that not even the foulest insult could ever mar!

My heart and mind is now consumed with the bitterest bile!

When I think of the dogs who committed this act so vile!’

Few doubted that this now meant civil war, and indeed Edward appeared bent on it. However, fate and the force of events can, and will, alter the course of action that men have resolutely planned to pursue. In this respect, King Edward I was no exception, as the immediate post-Gaveston era would reveal.

 

‘Happy New Year! Please put away your fears!

This year, Piers will prove himself, by far the greatest of his peers!’

Piers Gaveston

As the debris from the Christmas festivities was cleared away from the Great Hall of the royal palace, Edward pondered the political situation. A parliament was to be held the following month and the signs were not auspicious. Of course the main bone of contention was Gaveston. King Edward was most upset about the attitude of the nobles to Gaveston. The king was not having a happy January and he lamented:

‘Well the dreadful fuss regarding the harmless, humorous nicknames that Piers has bestowed on the magnates! Have these aristocrats no sense of humour?  He calls Henry de  Lacy, ‘Burst belly’, well you only have to look at him to see that it is accurate !

The Earl of Lancaster has been named as ‘Rangy Pig’, but I feel that Piers is actually being quite kind. Given Thomas’ character, there are much worse things that you could call him with some justification and I am saying that as his cousin!’

The coat of arms of Thomas, second earl of Lancaster.

King Edward was contemplating an invasion of Scotland in 1310, as the situation there had become quite dire. Robert Bruce had captured a number of English held castles and something had to be done before Edward’s rule there was broken.

‘The nobles won’t stop bitching about Piers, it’s constant bitch, bitch, bitch!

They should remember that it was the power of the English crown which allowed their families to become so fabulously rich!’

The barons demand more say over how the government is run.

A parliament was arranged for February of 1310 on condition that Gaveston did not attend. Edward reluctantly agreed to attend because he needed baronial support for his campaign in Scotland. The King had to agree to the establishment of a committee of 21 magnates known as the ‘Ordainers’ to look into political reform. Fundamentally, the Ordainers were demanding more parliamentary control over how the country was run and of course they wanted rid of Gaveston.

Scotland 1310.

While the Ordainers were preparing to formally present their case, Edward departed for Scotland taking Gaveston with him. This was a most lacklustre campaign and nothing significant was actually achieved. Robert Bruce refused to engage Edward’s army in conventional battle and preferred to retaliate with highly effective guerrilla tactics.

‘King Edward and Gaveston sped north to deal with Robert Bruce!

But their plans were foiled by Bruce’s habit of fighting fast and loose!

Bruce played a skilful game of hit and run!

T’was a successful method, and eventually he won!

Although military success in Scotland eluded him, Edward was happy enough, as he had Gaveston in tow and he was far away from his critics at Westminster. However, the king could not stay away from the capital indefinitely, and a parliament was summoned for August 1311. it was time for Edward to face the music and the tunes were not to be to his liking.

The Ordinances.

These constituted a strong challenge to the king’s power by parliament. Apart from parliament’s demand for influence over appointments and finance, they also wished to curtail the king’s authority to wage war. Needless to say, there was the inevitable call for the banishment of Gaveston. The Ordainers insisted that he should depart the realm before November 1st, All Saints Day. Although Edward vigorously protested the demands, he was eventually forced to back down. The king did however, petition the pope to annul the ordinance pertaining to Gaveston.

Gaveston did actually leave the country, but not for long. The irascible earl had secretly returned to the realm by Christmas 1311. Events would soon take a most serious turn with fatal consequences.

 

During Gaveston’s absence, the king had acquired another unsavoury soulmate with whom to cavort, Hugh Despenser the younger. The nobility took a very dim view of Hugh Despenser’s elevation as royal favourite, because they regarded him as a Gaveston mark II. Edward appears to have had a constant need for a special male companion of rather low character.

The king’s main priority during the latter part of 1308 and the early months of 1309 was to engineer Gaveston’s return to England. To this end, Edward II spent a great deal of his time and energy.

‘Oh Piers, on your behalf I have contacted the Pope in Rome!

To lift the threat of excommunication and bring you safely home!’

In the spring of 1309, Pope Clement V at King Edward’s request nullified the order of excommunication hanging over Gaveston. Edward’s immense delight was matched only by Archbishop Winchelsey’s great anger.

Pope Clement V.

Edward had placated his father-in-law, King Philip IV of France by granting Isabella some of his land in France. The king had also been able to mollify parliament by promising to be more cooperative with them in future. In addition, Edward had to agree to the banishment of Despenser from his court. After all, having to tolerate two incorrigible prima donnas at court was simply too awful for any self-respecting earl to contemplate.

‘Dispense with the Despenser was the cry!

So to Hugh it was a time to say bye bye!’

All of this was enough to ensure that Gaveston’s stay in Ireland was to be a short one. Once he got the okay from Edward, Gaveston jumped on the first suitable vessel departing from Dun Laoghaire  for England.

‘Oh farewell fair Dublin town!

I leave you now with a smile, not a frown!’

The prodigal favourite arrived back in July 1309 and was warmly welcomed by the king, who promptly reinstated him as earl of Cornwall. At a parliament that summer, Edward promised to curtail the powers of certain Crown officials and in return the barons agreed to the levying of taxes to pay for a war against the Scots. It would appear that despite their differences, the king and parliament had forged an acceptable working arrangement.

‘King Edward worked well with the nobles that summer season!

But had Piers Gaveston matured and begun to see reason?’

Had Gaveston learned his lesson? Not a bit of it. If anything he became even more obnoxious and confrontational than ever before. He compiled a number of nicknames for the senior members of the nobility. The Earl of Lincoln was called ‘Burst Belly’, ‘Thomas, Earl of Lancaster was dubbed ‘Rangy Pig’, and the Earl of Warwick, Guy Beauchamp was referred to as ‘Black Dog’.

Coat of arms of Guy Beauchamp, earl of Warwick.

Most insulting of all was Gaveston’s labelling of the perfectly amiable Earl of Gloucester as ‘Whoreson’. Never had the English nobility been treated with such disrespect, and all with the indifference or perhaps even the approval, of the king.

Edward appeared oblivious to the huge resentment that Gaveston was creating amongst the leading barons. An audience with the king could only be obtained with Gaveston’s permission. Piers Gaveston was beginning to behave as if he was the king’s guardian. Had the monarchy of a single king evolved into one of a dual nature?

December of 1309 of course brought forth the great feast of Christmas. King Edward loved a festive banquet with all of its accompanying entertainment.

‘My dear nobles please come to court to spend Christmas with myself and Piers!

Make merry at the royal palace fortified by venison, vintage wines and fine English beers!’

Predictably, many of the Lords and Ladies declined the invitation because they found the mere presence of Gaveston intolerable beyond measure.